Ikeas are death traps and everyone should know. They’re full of furniture made of light flammable wood, set up as one would set up a campfire- with the bottom full of cardboard, napkins, candles and wicker. If that weren’t enough, they’re huge and nearly impossible to navigate- as anyone who has been lucky enough to escape one can tell you. Of course, very few people will tell you this because most of the people who enter an Ikea are trapped there for the rest of their lives. That’s how they staff the store.
This week we put our apartment back together. I’m still fighting the same bug I was at the beginning of September- but I’m finally fighting it properly and it’s paying off. That may have been because it came back even worse than the first two times I had it, but still- lesson learned.
Ikeas aren’t un-navigable, you just have to bring your Bråalyöjdädhwhdäåfhwhwö map table with you each time to chart the floor plans.
Just try not to take the wrong turn between the Wjhyätdåfuque corner table and the Hyjölishjutt bookshelf and you’ll be fine…
Yeah, kinda in poor taste, I know.
Yeah, IKEA sucks. took me 8 laps to get back to the main floor, and I think I entered the cash out area the wrong way–embarrassing.
only way to get through Ikea is to follow the yellow arrows on the floor. However they take you through the entire store trying to temp you with affordable Swedish crap.
Home… Shit. I’m still only home. Ever ytime I think I’m gonna wake up back at Ikea.
The Ikea nearest us works with a slightly different technique. Still huge, still full of flammable cheap crap (and flammable cheap families? OHGOD DONT SHOOT ME) but also, if you’re not on the ground level, the floor shakes.
CONSTANTLY.
If I am not moving while I am in there for more than three minutes I start getting nauseous and dizzy. -_- Naturally whenever we go, even if we plan out what we want to buy beforehand, something ALWAYS comes up to deter us. Even if we finally get off the hurl-o-tron floors, we then get lost in “Look! Plastic! Wouldn’t this look great on your table?” land. By the time we’re out I’m exhausted enough to almost be tempted by the food. Then I get to go wait outside while my erstwhile compatriot(s) trot the block back to the parking garage and then circle until the lot is empty enough they can pull up in the loading zone.
-sigh- Would that I could always shop at Plummers….